…apparently women are prey to be caught, what a romantic sentiment…
*punches hole through the wall and leaps into a fedora-free universe*
Or we could not all be feminists and realize the only reason he kept saying that was because he also said the closest thing to a guy trying to get a girl to like him was like a deer hunting a lion. He was explaining how he felt about it. Girl power is great, but you can’t take everything as an insult.
ARE… ARE YOU ACTUALLY FUCKING KIDDING ME, RIGHT NOW?
So many things you just said were so incredibly ridiculous I cannot even begin to comprehend how you could actually comment such a thing.
Quote 1: ‘Or we could not all be feminists’
->Obviously you misunderstand what a feminist is.
Feminism is the ideal that men and women can be seen and treated as equals, both in society, legally and individually.
It also refers to removing gender role expectations (e.g. only females can be nurses/men as lawyers/doctors; the wage gap; ‘house husbands’ seen as emasculated; the societal ‘ideal bodies’ -men as hyper-masculine/tough and women as busty/skinny; etc)
Removing the dominant societal ideals set by patriarchal standards centuries before, that still hold true in modern times… about gender roles, capabilities, what they can and can’t do, what they should look like, act like, what rights they deserve…
Removing the expectation that ‘boys will be boys’ is a good enough excuse for bad behaviour. For police asking rape victims what they were wearing, if they ‘led on’ their attackers…
It’s trying to equalise power distribution, the right of all gendered (or non-gendered) individuals to be treated equally.
Feminism does apply here, because it’s recognising that this is an opinion shared by a significant portion of the population.
This expectation from a population (group of persons within a society/country with similar ideals/location/activities/etc.), in this case males self-identifying as ‘Nice Guys’, that every girl out there they show basic consideration to (like you would anyone else in the world) should then immediately respond positively to their advances is preposterous.
How can you be considered a ‘Nice’ guy, if the minute someone rebuffs your advances, you treat them terribly and slander them?
Human sexuality, attraction and lived experience are all individualised and complex. The chances of a person you like, liking you back, are significantly low…
Generally, that sort of thing is reserved for cheesy romance novels (or young adult vampire novel series)… >.>
So, to repeat myself: this is a feminist issue, and we will discuss it as such.
Point 2) “…he also said the closest thing to a guy trying to get a girl to like him was like a deer hunting a lion.”
You seem to be under the impression he was using a metaphor… if he was, it was misplaced and would most likely give an English Teacher a conniption.
At the BEGINNING, he used the deer/lion metaphor to outline his perspective on males being able to find potential partners (in this case, pertaining to the opposing gender) as females being lions and males being deer.
Yet still, the metaphor was a deer HUNTING a lion.
Not attempting to have a symbiotic relationship with a lion, but HUNTING IT. The entire premises of his rant is that women are something to be hunted, they are prey… that he has not yet been able to take down.
'Even if the deer catches the lion, the lion can still destroy it'
Well, shit son… if someone is treating a woman like prey/something that has to be caught and subdued (predators do not capture prey to cuddle, after all, they kill it), then is it any wonder that they might disagree?
Might respond negatively?
You see men like this in bars and public places all the time. There is an air of predator all over them, eyeing girls, working out who is a little too drunk, alone, easily separated from their ‘pack’… which they have to have to go out, to prevent just this.
Women go out in packs to stay SAFE. There’s something inherently wrong in that, isn’t there…?
As for ‘the lion can still destroy it’… well, you know what?
Everyone in the entire world has faced an unrequited crush before, and part of maturity/growing up is learning that it’s okay to feel sad that the person you like does not reciprocate… but you move past it.
The world isn’t designed to make YOU (specifically) happy, after all; life is full of the unexpected, the difficult, problems and obstacles unexpectedly appearing that you need to navigate.
Complain if you want, but it isn’t going to fix things. It just makes you look silly and childish if you continue to complain on and on about something (unless of course it’s sexual harassment/bullying in the workplace, in which case, complan your way right up to the head office -that shit is not okay).
3) ‘they were just explaining how they felt about it’
No, no they are not… this is a direct insight into their thought processes regarding women… and the outcome here is bleak.
The above (lion/deer metaphor) aside, notice how later on in the article, he throws the metaphor right out the window and begins referring to women solely as prey to be hunted?
Places himself in the role of ‘Predator’.
From a nature/power-hierarchy perspective, he has elevated himself to a position in the continuum that is unassailable. Like a king on the throne, with everyone else below.
From a psychological perspective, this is actually quite important in determining his mindset.
See how originally he words the entire thing to sound like a victim of these ‘nasty cruel women who don’t want to return the affections he has for them’, and then shifts into how he really thinks towards the end (women are prey to catch, he is the predator)?
I think the most disturbing part of the scenario is the way he says, "It’s not a matter of simply inserting kindness… its men chasing women (because that’s just the way it is) by their own rules and then getting told no when we do everything they said to do."
Basically, his idealised view is that women should do what he wants, they shouldn’t have the right to decline his affections; would prefer they remove the right a woman has to say no to a man.
THAT’S NOT OKAY.
What about, "If we are chasing our prey by their defined rules and when we actually catch them they tell us no we didn’t were going to be pissed the same way you would be if your boss told you you would get a raise if you did this set of tasks and after doing them he told you no”?
We NEED to elaborate on this further.
He has defined women as prey, once again, you will note.
Firstly, WHAT defined rules? Whose Rules? Who defined them? What are they and who sanctioned them?
Give me a written copy that says it’s alright to continue to pursue s
No one in this modern age deserves to be pursued continuously (that’s what Restraining Orders are for, after all) by anyone (male or female -and yes, I have seen the female equivalent of a ‘Nice Guy’ in natural escalation-> Here).
Dr Phil summed it up when he said, “Well I want you to imagine living everyday in absolute fear and constantly looking over your shoulder, cause no matter how many times you adamantly made it known, you are NOT interested in a relationship… the person just does not back off. And in fact, pursues you even harder…”
People have the right to express that they do or do not share the same feelings, ideals, likes, dislikes. It doesn’t make them a terrible person.
I like the colour blue, you might like fluro green… we’re not going to go to war over it. So why do people assume that just because a boy has feeling for a female, who does not reciprocate… that makes the woman a bad person?
That this somehow gives passport to harass them, refer to them derogatorily, treat them badly.
You know what?
If a female (or a male) declines the advances of someone else… it just means they don’t reciprocate the attraction; they might like you as a friend, see you as a sibling, or have other reasons. But that’s their RIGHT as human beings; as sentient creatures who have feelings/emotions, intelligence, are all different.
If the person they decline immediately turns around and starts treating them like shit because of this, well then… I’d say they dodged a goddamn bullet there.
Because if that’s how they act when they don’t get their way… obviously you don’t want to be in a relationship with that nonsense.
The other point is, sometimes these ‘Nice Guys’ don’t even SAY anything to the person they are harbouring affection(s) for; but immediately become an asshole when they date other people.
And the worst thing they can ever do is be their friend, their confidant, and turn around and use anything said confidentially/privately, to hurt that person.
You see it all the time, thanks to social media.
And you know what?
That’s actually referred to as slander and libel; also misappropriation of intellectual property (of victim), and using a carriage service (electronic means such as social media site, email or text messaging) to harass/bully/cause mental/psychological/emotional distress.
>If the person you harass (in any of the prescribed manners) commits suicide, you can still be charged with manslaughter for your involvement.
To circle back to the original quote again: he compares two completely different scenarios.
In the case of obtaining a raise, that implies a verbal and written agreement that a raise will be obtained at the completion of a certain time period, level of training, completion of tasks or other specified conditions. This requires agreement from both the employer and employee, especially in businesses where promotions and wage increases (raises) are used as incentives/encouragement for employees to perform.
[In hospitality and other smaller businesses, there are fixed wage prices, and therefore less likely to gain a raise unless their job description is elevated -e.g. being promoted to manager of McDonalds is a higher wage than Junior Fry Cook; etc.]
Should the completion of these tasks come to pass, but the employer fails to complete the tort/open contract; e.g completion of tasks = raise, then it is an actual legal issue. HR can be contacted, or legal counsel, and it’s taken further on.
BUT, when it comes to the scenario outlined… that this poor Nice Guy and those like him, do ‘everything they want’ they STILL say No.
Well, what is ‘everything’?
Were they aware of your advances? That the only reason you, the Nice Guy, are getting closer to them and giving them things is BECAUSE your ultimate goal is to get sexual favours from them?
You can’t force romantic/sexual attraction if it isn’t there.
And if they are aware, and rebuffed your affections, why are you continuing to pursue this? It’s not going to happen.
Everyone has the right to say No.
And what if they do give in to constant harassing, pestering, outright bullying and belittling into doing what they want? Into becoming the prey because there was no other option?
That’s not a good basis for a relationship, it’s not going to last even if you do get it.
And if you were an asshole going in, or when they rebuffed your advances… what are you (the so-called ‘Nice Guy’) going to do when you break up? A HUGE percentage of women are murdered by their partners for the sole reason of, ‘If I can’t have her, no one can…’
[Often the children too, see the case of the man who threw his kids off a bridge recently for that exact reason].
4) “Girl power is great, but you can’t take everything as an insult.”
Now, I respect that you have this opinion… it’s wrong, but I respect that this is how you feel.
This actually IS a female issue, if you hadn’t noticed… it’s about women, a direct attack on our gender and rights, actually.
That there is not one, but DOZENS of these self-righteous douchebags out there who think that women deserve to be treated as objects, as prey, as things to treat kindly only up until the point where they either give in and provide sexual favours/some form of relationship, or refuse to do either/decline their advances.
Then shit hits the fan.
Again, there are people of all genders and sexual orientations out there who fall under this ‘Nice Guy’ category… but the point is that their percentage is growing. The ideal that you are only their friend/someone they trust, up until you don’t get what you want, is spreading.
That’s actually not okay.
To go back to your original statement:
Girl Power is Important.
Look at the world right now, there’s a LOT of men in charge, and females in positions of power are not lauded in publications the same way males are. Girls need someone to look up to, to grow up in a world that is safe… not where men catcall 12 year olds on the street, or tell little girls that their ‘skirts are too short’, where assigned societal gender roles are reinforced by the media… where they are constantly told that the only way to get ahead is how they look and attracting men.
Where independence and intelligence are considered to be bad things for a woman to aspire to have.
Where a little girls’ cartoon (MLP:FIM) can be taken over by fucking neck-bearded, cheeto-eating, pony fetishisers who attend cons just to creep out the girls dressed as their favourite pony characters. To tell them why they aren’t true fans…
[There are MLP:FIM sex toys designed specifically to cater for these men, ‘fans’ who have stolen the title of ‘Brony’ from the fandom.]
And that’s considered OKAY.
Yet, this is the same world where a cartoon (Young Justice) which is fucking fantastic (not as brilliant as the original comics, though) was cancelled because too many girls were watching. And THAT was considered okay, somehow… that was a legitimate reason to take this cartoon off the air.
So, in light of all this extra bullshit ladies, girls and women deal with on a daily basis… this internalised and disguised misogyny designed to trap women between sticky floors and glass ceilings (legitimate social/societal phenomenon)…
Don’t you maybe think a little girl power -e.g. women standing up and calling people out on their complete and utter bullshit like these so-called ‘Nice Guys’- is important?
We’re showing the world that this gender is not going to stand for this any longer.
No more sweeping it under the rug. No more pretending it’s just ‘what happens’…
No more asking what the victims were wearing, or what they were doing to lead their attackers on, no more excusing things with ‘boys will be boys’…
No more treating girls (or guys) like the Bad Person in this typical Nice Guy scenario. Just because you like someone doesn’t mean they will immediately reciprocate, and if you never make these feelings known… you don’t have the right to be some giant asshole to the person if they exercise their right (as a human being) to decline your advances.
And if you never tell them, you also revoke your right to be an asshole to them.
You don’t get to slander them, treat them awfully, pursue them despite being told no…
Basically, no more of this ‘poor me’ crap.
If they say no, and you keep going to ‘capture your prey’, then you are actually the bad guy here… it’s not okay, and it can be a litany of criminal offences.
If they say no and you badmouth them, or hold personal/confidential information against them… you’re the bad guy. That’s not okay, and also an arrestable offence.
No more ‘Nice Guys’ whining about never getting the ‘objects’ of their affections… and people rushing in to console them or treat that ‘object’ negatively because of it.
No more. It’s bullshit.
Girl Power, and Feminism (which covers both genders), are important to changing the world we have right now, into the one we want to see…
So, to summate:
1) Fuck You.
2) You’re Wrong.
3) If you sincerely think that what he said was okay, I’m incredibly disappointed in you.
4) I’m a goddamn porn blog and I respect other people and their right to like or dislike whoever and whatever they want, what’s wrong with you?
5) There’s no such thing as ‘Nice Guys’, just assholes in ‘Fedoras’ (Trilbys) that don’t understand that the world and everyone in it isn’t tailored to meet their needs. They need to grow up, and society needs to stop wiping their tears…
6) Everyone has the right to be treated equally, and to feel safe.
If you betray that trust, fuck you.
If you treat them badly because you didn’t get what you wanted (they decline your affections or are unaware of them, and date other people) also fuck you.
7) There were hundreds of comments on that picture by the end of the day, all commiserating their ‘losses’, bolstering each other, bitching about the men and women who did not return their affections.
This unhealthy feeding off one another is the dark side of social media, we connect people with the wrong (regressive) types of views and they feed off one another.
8) Imagine if someone did that to you.
One minute they’re your friend, then the minute you date someone… they treat you awfully.
Or say, they tell you they like you, and you say that you don’t feel the same way… and suddenly everyone you know is calling you derogatory titles, because they’ve been telling lies to make you the bad person.
It happens all the time.
It’s like sexting. We tell the girls who send the pics off, but not the assholes who they trusted (often long-term romantic partners) who betrayed their trust and shared it everywhere.
It’s not okay.
9) This man’s comment highlights some of the main points.
He sees women as prey, tries to play the sad victim here, but highlights that women/desired partners SHOULD be dropping their panties for him/men in general, if a series of tasks are completed.
>If I buy a friend a b-day gift, does that entitle me to demand sex? No
<How about if I just get them something for no real reason? Also No.
>If I’m nice to them, treat them like a human being? Again, NO.
<If I fulfil the role of a good friend, which I am… and act the way a good/best friend should, does that entitle me to their genitals?
NO. FUCKING. WAY.
DO YOU GET WHAT I’M SAYING?!
So… why the assumption that a guy friend buying things for a female friend or treating them as a human being/the way friends treat each other, will lead to sex/a relationship?
As a great person once said, ‘Women are not vending machines you put niceness coins into until sex falls out”.
Truer words have never been spoken.
10) If you can’t understand the broad scope of the problem, then I’m afraid there’s nothing more I can do for you…
Hopefully you read this and see what I’m saying, because it’s important.
If not, then you need to sit down and reassess everything you know… because you’re part of the problem here.
Cutiebooties and Cumberbatch OUT, bitches.